Co-parenting at a child's birthday party


At Baer Family Law, part of Rebecca’s holistic approach to family law is caring about your family and your children during the divorce process and after your divorce is final.  Yes, if you have children, you remain a family after you are divorced.

Studies show that the way parents conduct themselves throughout the divorce directly impacts their children.  Even when parents believe they are shielding their children from the conflict, it is very likely the child is catching on to a lot more than the parent realizes.  You think those nasty posts on social media aren’t affecting your child because they do not see them?  Think again.

These tips will also help your custody case as many directly relate to the factors that a court must consider when making custody and parenting time determinations as required by Minn. Stat. § 518.17.  Refusing to engage in “bad behavior” – especially when your co-parent stoops to that level – is critical to convincing a court or custody evaluator that you are the better-suited parent longterm.

Follow these suggestions regardless of your child’s age.  Even older children/young adult children should not be part of their parents’ conflict.

Do NOT use your child as a:

  • Therapist
  • Spy
  • Confidant
  • Messenger
  • Referee
  • Courier
  • Pawn



  • Encourage your child to love their other parent and that parent’s extended family
  • Speak positively about the other parent when your child is present
  • Respect your child’s time with the other parent
  • Do not allow others to denigrate the other parent when your child is present
  • Allow your child to take personal items between homes
  • Allow your child to contact the other parent while in your care
  • Have photos of the other parent in your home (your child’s bedroom is a great location)
  • Communicate regularly and productively with your co-parent to limit conflict when it comes to raising your child
  • Put your emotions aside and make child-centered decisions when co-parenting
  • Show your child a “united front” with the other parent as often as possible
  • If possible, you can even go so far as to celebrate special events (like birthdays) together or help your child make Mother’s/Father’s Day special for the other parent


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Authored by: Rebecca R. Baer, Esq.